I haven’t posted for some time because my life has had some huge changes I currently can’t speak on. What I can say is that the terror I felt at my uncertain future after my accident was nothing compared to that of my present circumstances. Though my rose colored glasses tell me this should never be the case, that someone up there running the show should have realized I have met my quota of crappy life experiences, we all know that the idea of a just world isn’t the truth of things. Terror, at some point, seems to be the price of admission to life no matter who you are. No one comes out unscathed. What I want to talk about today are some practices that are keeping me standing, so to speak.

After my accident I foolishly believed that that one monumental event would be the only BIG hurdle, paling all others in comparison for the rest of my life. At the time it felt like something I would never get over. Lets face it, to some extent that’s true, but it also couldn’t be farther from it. In the following years I have grown in ways I could never have predicted and have had more than my fair share of low points too. None of which have been to the extent I’m experiencing now.

Vulnerability-The emotion that can leave you up at night.

Difficult times wreak havoc on emotions often leading you to feel things that you’d do just about anything to get rid of. But, feelings, no matter how seemingly horrible remind us that our hearts are still beating and we are still breathing, giving us the opportunity to be accepting of ourselves and connect to the essence of who we are at our very core. Difficult times leave us in a place of vulnerability. For those of us with disabilities, that is often a place we live in regularly, making those times cut even deeper or conversely slowly numbing us to the emotion of the situation altogether. Vulnerability is a difficult topic and emotion people struggle to admit to. There are some amazing things happening in the study of vulnerability. Dr. Brene Brown speaks to this post perfectly in this amazing TED Talk she gives on the subject. I encourage you to watch and contemplate how vulnerability affects your life.

We all fall prey to worrying over what we cannot control when things get tough. In any difficult situation I’ve found that to be the case, but when the sky is falling, running around in circles with your hands in the air isn’t exactly a helpful practice. The trick, then, is to be able to recognize what is and isn’t in your control. Instead, concentrate your efforts on things you can do to remedy the situation. The idea that worry isn’t productive sure isn’t a new one. Sometimes recognizing what exactly you do have control over in a situation can help even though it’s often difficult. Even more difficult is allowing yourself to really feel the emotions you have at the time, no matter what they are, and allowing yourself to be vulnerable in the face of the things you can’t control.

In my current situation, there isn’t much I have control over at all. Throughout the last few months, I have really had to dig deep, working to consciously identify those things that I can do nothing about and accept my own suffering over what just is. I’ve had to accept, and be, down on my knees, grateful for it. Buddhism is based on the belief that life is suffering and that it’s in the process of learning to let go of that suffering that leads to the expansion in consciousness. It doesn’t matter what faith you are or if you have none at all, the process can still be the same. Your situation will change when you stop labeling it good or bad and let it be what it is. I think I would have exploded by now if it wasn’t for that constant practice of gratitude for those things I would normally call “bad,” the willingness to accept the pain incurred and really feel it, and then the conscious effort of letting it go with the faith that it too has a purpose.

All of this is fine and dandy on a philosophical level but what about practice? I can’t tell you what will work for you. Maybe in the explaining of my process you’ll find something of value. Being frequently under attack has honed my ability to recognize when I’m demonizing a person or situation. I tend to go into, “this is the worst thing ever,” mode. Followed by, “I’m never going to get through this,” mode. I allow myself to go though it forgivingly, to process until spent. Somewhere in the midst of flagrant venting and crying (my poor friends and family), that acceptance lets me breathe into the situation and take pause. It’s that moment of recognition of pain that gives me the opportunity to consciously say “thank you” for the hurt. It gives room for me to have faith in the purpose of it and the opportunity for me to then say, “I let go. And so it is.” It’s an exercise vital to my personal growth I’m grateful for getting a ton of practice at.

So, my point today is to pay the price of admission. There’s no one up there keeping track of our capacity to experience painful life experiences. We all have to figure out how to weather them, to grow from them and see them for what they are. So practice embracing the “bad” events in life with a conscious effort to be grateful for them and remove the negative label. Embrace the bills because they are supporting employees somewhere. Embrace the illness because in the loss of loved ones, lives are often touched. Embrace not just all the ways you are blessed but all the ways you feel you have been cheated or wronged because we of small minds have no clue what kind of butterfly effect will come of them. Be grateful for everything. Be vulnerable and accepting of your own emotions because, as Dr. Brown found, that’s the way to connection and that is the point, isn’t it?